Jubilation

For some strange unknown reason , today I feel like a million dollars , once more I feel happy , I have a joyous sense of accomplishment deep down my heart , a very motivating sensation which tacitly tells me to hold on to my way as it has so far drawn me closer to where I have always wished to end up. I sometimes falter , get to the point of giving up , then again there is light at the end of the tunnel , and this time prosperity come backs to me tenfold. People ask me how I can feel constantly contented in spite of all the ups and downs my life undergoes. One main reason for this can be that I don’t owe my feeling of satisfaction to anyone or anything, things can momentarily perk me up , but it's the "me" inside for whom life is worth bothering to continue. I am blissful to be able to close my eyes and imagine anything I have taken from me and still feel damn good maybe because none of these are capable of cheering me up unless I feel I need to be happy , therefore rather logically one infers I can still feel good having all those good things subtracted from my life. You, who is reading this note, listen to your heart, can you hear it? It's so desperately trying to request you to love others and be good. Be sure it won't be long before you get the feedback.

My idol of love

This is a note for someone who dramatically enhanced my perspective of my surrounding world , someone whose kindness is beyond measure , whose heart of gold warms mine , someone who knows loving even better than I do . Someone who loves me unconditionally and I am sorry to have taken her feelings for granted . Someone without whom I could never image loving people again , someone who proved practically that love exists . I wrote this note because of my last week frictions with her . I have never felt this small in front of the grandeur of some one's true emotions.
Now it's my turn to prove wrong a theory every other partner of my life has shown to be right.
The theory that human beings , once they are loved , cast their skin of humanity and become the shabby ugly animal inside . Now it's me and someone who loves me more than a lot , I will now stand tall with my eyes open and my smile like ever on my face confident of a bright future , I am sure I won't let God down.

خدا کنه

خدا کنه که بعد از این
خدا خودش پیشم باشه
این آدمای لعنتی
خلوتم تنگ نکنن
نیان منو نازم کنن
فرداش باهام جنگ بکنن
از آدمای بی شعور
شعور من دردش میاد
این دل نازکم دیگه
از آدما بدش میاد

no comments

چشم های ناز دیشبت
چشم غره های امشبت
کاری نکن که بعد از این
خدام نیاد دور و برت
فرشته بودی یک روزی
تو خلوت زخمی من
ولی عزیز دل الان
برو و حرفی ام نزن
خاطره های بودنت برای من بسه نفس
من و یک بقچه خاطره
برای من همبن و بس
برو که چشمام بعد تو
جرات دیدن ندارن
تو دریای مواج عشق
دل پریدن ندارن
برو که قلبم بعد تو
میل رسیدن نداره
از این غمهای کاغذی
حس رهیدن نداره
برو خداحافظ عسل
خوب میدونی با رفتنت
زندگی زندون نمیشه
تو هم یکی مثل همه
کسی پشیمون نمیشه


نیما نصرالهی

Back

It's a long time I've not been around , well I'm back
Today , I intend to take you to another unlit corner of my life in the past . this time take care you won't cough as I uncover my heart by taking the veil of it which would almost certainly send a mass of dust in the air , by reading this you will respond to yet another unasked for invitation which would let you explore some of the nook and crannies of my romantic life . Don't be taken a back , I don't mean to share stories which do not entirely belong to me and make you drown in a deep ocean of sensation in which I have once swum , what I do want to do indeed is shed light on certain concepts and share with public the lessons I have taken as I was on the way to reaching where I am romantically now , I would call it romantic maturity.
Having been involved with romance during long periods of my life and having experienced first hand a great deal about opposite sex romance , I have found out one thing , which I have to admit to very matter- of- factly here . That is the magnetic nature of relationships which turns a relationship into a bitter game requiring ultimate levels of skill but takes the sweetness out of a love affair. Don't wonder what the magnetic thing was since I'll explain that later.
The way I view things, What guarantees the long term survival of a relationship is a balance between feelings and not a burning love , by that I mean the slightest inequality between how deeply partners feel for each other will take the relationship one step closer to its eventual breakdown however difficult it might be to imagine an end for it. So my advice to you , who is desperately trying to keep your love working is to think of striking a balance even if that means you have to love your sweetheart less as the amount of your love should match hers/his. Here comes that magnetic nature to justify this decision you should make and that is the unpleasant fact that as one pole of a magnet repels the other so would you repel your partner if you ever give them the impression that your love exceeds theirs . Difficult to believe, though if you carry out a two minute scan of your past you will easily spot signs of what I just explained in your own lives, that might partly be attributed to the natural sense of intimidation one gets when they feel they don't only belong to themselves , in other words we naturally don't like it if someone cares about us more than we do ourselves maybe it's freedom limiting , and may be and more probably it goes back to our heart which does not have enough capacity to harbor a feeling of such size when we are sure of the other side , actually as long as we are not fully sure of our partner's feeling , love is more like an exciting adventure we are dabbling in but once one person loves us deeply it gets the gray color of a probable addition of a responsibility and a commitment without the thrilling side of an adventure. And I think the extent of one person's love can be measured by the extent to which this person is ready to make sacrifices for the other. Therefore sometimes by making sacrifices you will make your partner tolerate a heavier weight of responsibility on their back which is itself a thing which can potentially make them consider escaping. It is also the invisible transference of a sense of superiority you might cause to the one you love by "overloving" them.
From what I can gather being loved is a very difficult task which not everyone is able to handle , I read somewhere it demands a level of perfection to tolerate somebody who loves you and ,I'd say, a more advanced level to love them back . people say love happens once , but I think on your part it can happen for as many times as they are days in your life , the important thing is that you can only be truly loved once , by someone who won't leave you so it's a chance not to be missed . it's an art to appreciate other people's feelings for you and be able to respond to them rather than escaping from them. If you have this art then you deserve love
Enjoy it and let it shed its shiny light on your life

Philosophy of life

We live in a world which is entirely open to suspicion ; there is not a single thing you can confidently accept and defend . I personally won’t overreact if some one questions the existence of God , Paradise , Hell , Angels and stuff of this sort as I consider it well within the realm of possibelities for them to exist or not. Still there is one thing I believe in for certain and that is a complicated invisible system of cause and result artistically governing our everyday lives above the natural found-by-science rules , name it energy , God or what you may find proper. it has been proved to me with certainity that what ever happens to me is an indirect reflection of my own previous actions . it frightens me at times when I am about to do something which might in a way hurt some one since I dread to visualise its potential consequences on my own life. I think it goes beyond actions covering our intentions too , to me the latter should even be more important. This very delicate system which I believe operates with unimaginable percission affects our lives horrifyingly . What strikes me the most is the exact and proportionate extent to which actions resemble their consequences .
Call me superstitous but there is not a single thing you do remaining unresponded , I find it particularly functional when matters of heart are concerned which I attribute to the more or less similar nature of love accompanied by its chance of happening several times in a life-time which would result in some strikingly meaningful events_ you can still call them coincidences. Apart from being terrifying it’s extremley motivating to be well aware of the fact that by how you treat others today you are actually determining how your tommorow will turn out.
This way ,even the most precize calculations of your actions would be insufficient as they fail to take into account the extent to which people’s feelings are affected.
No insistence to accept my words as I want to leave it open to your own judgement

کوچه

کوچه ی تاریک و تنهای بی عبور ، آغشته به سکوت دلنشین شب معطر به حزن دلهره آور پاییز ، دست چروکیده ی تیره رنگ کم مویی به دیوارآجری تکیه داده شده است ، ساعت مچی قدیمی شبرنگ روی آن نیمه شب را نشان میدهد . کت و شلوار ساده ی سیاه رنگ خاک آلود دروزش ملایم باد آزادانه به احتزاز در می آید . موهای نرم خاکستری رنگ پیرمرد بر فراز پیشانی بلندش می رقصد . پیرمرد چند قدم از نور باریکه چراغ که از شکاف در خانه سنگ نما میهمان ناخوانده کوچه است فاصله دارد . چشمهایش محو تماشای هلال باریک ماه است ، چشمهایش را از ماه بر نمی دارد ، لبخندی مبهم و نامانوس که گویی برصورت غریبش ریشه دوانده است از زیبایی شگفت انگیز ماه خبر می آورد . چند قدم آنطرفتر ، پشت پنجره ی طبقه دوم خانه سنگ نما دختر سفید چهره ای پرده را کنار زده صورتش را به شیشه پنجره چسبانده ، چشمان درشت وترش ماه را زیر نظر دارند ، ماه سفید خوشبختی که سنگدلانه و بخیلانه خوشبختی اش را تا آن روز از دخترک ظریف انذام دریغ کرده بود ، موهای بلندش تاریکی شب را به سخره می گیرد . باد شدت می گیرد ، ابرهای اشغالگر ماه را می پوشانند ماه دیگر نفس نمی کشد ابرها آسمان را به تسخیر خود در آوده اند ، اما پیرمرد همچنان لبخندی از همان جنس بر لب دارد و کنجکاوانه با چشم های قهوه ای بی رمقش مسیر عبور ابرها را دنبال می کند گویی از ابتدا نیز به ماه نمی خندید. دخترک خیلی غمگین است ماهی را که با زیبایی خود او را به پشت پنجره کشیده بود از او گرفته اند . نگاه دخترک به درون اتاق منحرف می شود ، گرمای وسوسه انگیز تختخواب هم برایش جزابیتی ندارد. اشک ها با شتاب بیشتری گونه هایش را طی می کنند. هوا سرد است باد شدت می گیرد ، پیرمرد به پشت به دیوار تکیه میکند و غرق لذت گرمای آشنایی دوباره دستهایش می شود . قطره ی سرگردانی را احساس می کند که به نرمی به گونه اش فرود می آید . بوی باران در کوچه پیچیده است ، باران شدت می گیرد و به لبخند پیرمرد عمق می بخشد. دخترک دستانش را در توده ی انبوه موهای پر کلاغی اش فرو می کند و آسمان را با صدای بلند همراهی می کند ،در نظرش آسمان مرثیه خوان دل گرفته اش شده است و اما پیر مرد ، خیس و لرزان، با صدای بلند می خندد مشعوف ازپیوند زیبای آسمان و زمین و جشن بزرگی که گویی مدتها در انتظارش بوده

bitter moon

It was over ten minutes ago , for me it won't be over any time soon, though . I have never felt this geniunely excited before in my entire life , it was way beyond my expectations of a movie , it gave me such a fresh feeling , some pure pleasure which seems to be lasting more than the effect of a normal movie typically does. It's 1:20 at night , I am drained , utterly exausted , I can hardly keep my eyes open , but I can't help writing about the feeling which has rather unexpectedly been transfered to me in this big scale . I feel I now , after watching the movie , view love slightly differently . I reccomand you , who is reading this post , to go get the movie as immediately as poosible with no shred of hesitation , an awsome splendidly-produced movie called "bitter moon" ; It's not a new movie , even if you have watched I endorse it , It's definitely worse watching many times and I intend to do it myself. I feel like some where in my subconcious I had been waiting for this movie for years in other words the whole movie industry would have been a big disappointment if this movie didn't exist.
watch it and judge it for yourself . what made ME fall for it was the amazing change of attitude towards the charecters I went through as the movie unfolded . It narrates in a different tune of voice what it means to be in love and how natural it is for you to torture the one who loves you , I was struck by how beautifuuly and sophisticatedly one might view the world , to be pasased it and have no more things to worry about.
watch it I am sure it will leave a long lasting impression on you too if only you watch it the way I did!

my wishes

Sick and tired of unkindness, meanness, jealousy I desperately wish I had a never-ending bunch of flowers in hand out of which I could offer every passer-by a nice fresh smelling red rose, I wish I could make every man on the planet feel special.
if I could I would not let anyone die without experiencing being madly loved; I wish I had the chance , even if for seconds , to die for as many times as they are humans on the earth to prove them they are worthy of love to this enormous extent , they are worthy of someone dying for them.
I wish people wouldn’t label me mad if I approached them in the street indiscriminately, if I looked into their eyes , cried and shouted in their faces
“I was born to make you happy”
I wish I was really born just to make total strangers happy even if that meant I had to lose my own happiness.
I would still want to cheer people up even if I had to suffer their hardship in return , if only I could see them smile, hardship is sweeter than sugar.
Whenever a really bad thing happens in my life I stand up and thank God that it’s me for whom this has happened and no one else , because I know I can stand it , I know.

what has been haunting me sice 8 o'clock

I was watching a short video on my bro’s cell phone some hours ago which depicted the execution of some criminals. I saw the shaking men standing in execution line waiting for their lives to come to an end. The former hardened criminals had a childlike innocence in their faces combined with the fear of unknown and a sadness which smelt of a loss. I watched as the rope was fastened around their bony necks above which I could notice their thumping pulses , I guess their hearts were also trying to beat for as many times as possible before they had to stop forever .then came the ultimate dance of their bodies in the air in a context of colorful sunrays. What to many was an obscene heart-breaking scene to me was a glamorous goodbye party.
I wished some where in the bottom of my heart I had been in their place. I so badly long for the feeling one has seconds before they depart this life. Should you laugh at how ridiculous your short visit was to the world of selfish insane humans , should you worry about the a future which might not exist at all or should you lament for a lost past which is over , a past which passed in a flash. Had I been in their shoes , I would have adored every remaining second of my life , which derived its value out of its dearth.
I am ready to tolerate that deadly pain the rope would inflict on my neck to enjoy a visual illusion which would make me see the cheap plastic of life as pure gold.
That’s when I can feel mortal , I can feel I am ending
An end or a start ? who knows?

گیر کرده ام

در تضاد خاکستری غیر عقلایی خوب و بد گیر کرده ام, در میان ملامت هر نفسم که مرا ز بودن بر حذر می دارد و شوق رسیدن به آنچه در مخیله دارم گیر کرده ام. هر لحظه اندکی بیش در مرداب تردید فرو میروم , مرداب حریصی که مرا جسورانه در خود میبلعد.زشتی های دور و برم زشتی های بی معنای پلاسیده ای که جایی برای وجودشان در دل پر شوق رسیدنم احساس نمی کنم مرا از نگاه به آبی لرزان آینده ی خوش منظر باز میدارند , گویی نمی توانم از کنار امواج خروشانی که مرا به کمک می خوانند و قصد دارند مرا در خود غرق کنند بی تفاوت بگذرم
دودلم , گیر کرده ام دل و عقلم مرا به دو منزلگاه متضاد می کشانند, دوده های سیاه و گردوخاک معلق در فضای اطرافم پاهایم را سست میکنند , انگار میخواهند مرا به غلطیدن در خاک وادارند هر چند هنوز چشمهایم به آسمان دوخته شده است.
تشویش و دلهره مرا به لبه پرتگاه ذلت و سقوط انسان به حیوان نزدیک می کند, هر چند تا قله ی خدا شدن چند قدمی بیش نمانده لرزشهای پلک روحم را حس می کنم که مرا تا خواب همراهی می کنند وزمزمه های دلنشین فریادهای از جنس خوابم در گوش های سنگینم جز پریشان خاطری چیزی به ارمغان نمی آورد
پلک هایم سنگینند زبانم نمیچرخد, قلمم نمی نویسد دلم گرفته است راه فراری نیست گیر کرده ام
پاهایم می لرزند , لرزشی از جنس نامطلوب ضعف لرزشی که بوی کهنگی میدهد
زمین خوردن من در چند قدمی مقصد غم باره ایست که ذهن پریشانم راآشفته تر می کند چشم های خشکم به دریای پر از آب می نگرند و پاهای بی رمقم جز به در هم شکستنم نمی اندیشند
در میان خودم و خودم گیر کرده ام
در میان خوب و بد

la beauté de la vie

Au nom de lieu
Ce ‘st la premier fois que j’écrie un billet Français , donc je suis tellement heureux, Pardonnez-moi pour les plusieurs erreurs que vous peut-être rencontrerez , il faut avouer ne pas savoir cette langue très bien encore .Il peut être utile a plus d’un titre, particulièrement je peut avoir plus de lectures. Mais Surtouts, c’est un bon exercice pour écrivez. Ailleurs, mes idéales peuvent être transféré plus facilement. Comme apurant, comme je suis assis on face de l’ordinateur et en train de penser a ma vie, qui a déjà me plait ,et a la recherche de quelques informations en internet à propos de mes études je lisais un blogue d’une amie , j’ai vu ce phrase magnifique “ la vie est comme un boit du chocolat “ il m’a forcé a réfléchir. je pense personnellement que c’est un phrase touchant mais pas nécessairement toujours vrai . Étrangement je trouve q’ une grande partie de Bonheur est a cause de les instants tristes, je veux dire il faut être triste pour comprendre la plaisir de sourire. C’est lors un période que vous passer loin de quelqu’un que vous vous mettez découvrir quels plaisirs étaient les temps que vous avez eu ensemble.

My childhood

My childhood did not get off to what I would call a magnificent start , or to be fair I don’t have many good memories of the first ten year of my life , after it , though , things lightened up and life came close to the way I now view it save for my today’s image for others , then I was good only when I looked at my life through my own little simplistic brown eyes , which was a great thing knowing that many people in their adulthood would not still taste self satisfaction the way I did then. I was very lazy with my lessons I mean I never did my homework in primary school . I have a clear impression of my mom staying nights awake doing my homework , neither was I a good student, my teachers were always punishing me and I still did not care . I myself never thought I was intelligent actually I thought the opposite and so did everyone else in my family , they never thought my intellectual capacity would allow me to continue my education .In the context of my family , in the extended sense , I was disrespected , taken for a fool and no better than mediocre. I always wondered how it was possible for my cute friends then to attract that much attention and be so much loved. the thing I love about this period was my very kind heart , I don’t remember a moment that I had the slightest amount of jealousy , I loved every one to an extent that it would be misused , mainly by my older brother . If he ever wanted anything in which I could be of any use , in particular if he needed a partner to play with , by the way I hated playing , he came to me and threatened he would hurt himself , often by putting his finger in the fan , if I wasn’t obedient . I never turned him down unable to imagine my brother’s finger hurt. I think I still have a dose of that good nature in me. In contrast with this dully uneventful and bitterly upsetting ten years , the second decade of my existence was marvelously pleasant . I learnt ,in this period , how I could savor the moment at the same time as standing out , How to never take things too seriously and still be amongst the best . I was never the very best , even then , in school but I was confident I could be , because I was not using a tenth of my resources. Seeing my friends pushing themselves to the limit and not scoring significantly better than the “ careless happy go lucky me” gave me a sense of self-worth. I was suddenly liked by people around me and I particularly enjoyed this new found popularity. When I was sitting on our school benches in my classes , there was always a fight between the two others to sit beside me that was why I always sat in the middle. I became very religious , funny was it that I sometimes thought I was the “ mahdi “ known as the time Imam and I wondered why my parents hadn’t named me appropriately . as I found more about life and its realities and people around me I distanced myself from religion little by little.